In 2008, everything our family knew was turned upside down. To our little group of three — me, husband, daughter, we added twins, and one of them was born with Down syndrome. Shortly after that, my husband’s career yanked us out of New York City and plopped us down in Charlotte. I used to have a fulltime job in the heart of Manhattan, live in an apartment and take the subway everywhere. Now I manage a big house in the suburbs, live in my car and ruin dinner on a fairly regular basis. I’m a Type B personality (that’s the lazy one, right?) living a Type A life: too much to do, no skills with which to do it.
Why I’m Here
Though I enjoy writing this blog because putting words to paper is an outlet for me, I also am writing it because I’d like to be more than just “that” mom. You know, the one that always needs help: help opening the door to fit her twin stroller through; help wrangling three kids — preschool twins and a kindergartener; help from the state to educate our son with special needs. Most of all, help from fellow parents with all sorts of conundrums! It seems I am constantly on the receiving end of assistance or moral support.
But I want to be the one to offer help as well. To give advice, to be a caregiver, a nurturer, a comforter, a leader, if a modest one. It’s not that I know the right way to do things — my husband knows well that I’ve never been accused of doing things properly. It’s just that I enjoy sharing what I’ve learned from my own experience if it will help someone else.
And I think all parents today are like that. There is nothing more comforting than being in the company of others who are alternately perplexed, confident, in charge and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, depending on what kind of hour they’re having. This delicate dance that we do when we alternate between helping and being helped is what keeps us human, humble and happy. We all have much to give but we have just as much to learn. That’s why the Internet is the perfect tool for our generation, because it lets us switch between these two roles seamlessly.
So although this blog will tell my side of the story, I want to hear your stories as well. I hope you will write in to tell me about your experiences and your dilemmas in the comment section, or by dropping me a line on my Facebook fan page, Thoroughly Modern Messy. Trust me, I’ll need your help even more than you might need mine. Vicki Vila
Thoroughly Modern Messy 
Hi Vicki!
Just a quick note to say that I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog! I miss you!
All best,
Christine
My twin boys are almost 4 months old, and our Dominic was born with Down syndrome. I’m at the point where doctors are recommending seeking support by joining groups, but I struggle with which groups. It’s seems that I have to choose between Down syndrome and multiples groups. I was researching how other families like ours do it all, and I came across your blog. Thanks for sharing.
Hello Brittney, and welcome to the world Little Dominic and brother! What an interesting journey you will all have. I wondered about the very same thing, and I think it just depends on your preferences, there is no “right” way to do it! You could check out the different local groups and see which you like better at first, or you could do both. Some twin moms I know here in Charlotte belong to “Moms of Multiples” as well as their local Down syndrome group. I do think that because children with Down syndrome have so much in common, some kind of link to your Down syndrome group will be very helpful. It can be up to you how much you want to participate, but I would suggest at least making an initial connection and finding out if there is some sort of Facebook or online group where you can go for advice on things like the best doctors and therapists in your area, for instance. Our FB group has been invaluable to me! I have to say, the other moms in our Ds community have been some of the most incredible people I’ve met, but that is just my personal experience. I have always felt that my twins were such different people and so a “twin” group didn’t appeal to me, but also they are boy/girl so maybe that’s why. In any case, feel free to write it to me any time, you can also “Like” my Facebook page and send me a message that way. https://www.facebook.com/Thoroughly-Modern-Messy-157824944304571/?fref=ts
Oh, and there is a fun Facebook group called “Multiples With Down Syndrome” that you can ask to join. It’s the best of both worlds!! I don’t think you need to know anyone to join, but if you have any problems, just send me a message with your FB name and I’ll add you. Best of everything to you and your boys!!